Rule 19 Carpe Diem

Of two things I am certain, if I am born I will die, therefore, without life death cannot exist.

This weekend, on Sunday, a close friend passed away, it was at a sporting event. My dear friend was an exceptional person. I have a close circle of people I deeply admire and whom I would regard as close, they are the exceptional people who enlighten me.

Ok, ok, I’m not going to start burning incense and chanting something incomprehensible, I just have some cool friends who are very different from other people, they force me to realise the banality of my personal levels of self acceptance, they force me to admit I am half the person I could be or should be.

So, I’m a loser and I need to improve? No, that’s not what I’m saying, I’m just commenting that I have the pleasure of knowing people who are excellent in some way, I believe I could be as excellent or even better, it would only depend on the lessons I learn from them, not only about myself but about them, that is to say, what is good, what is bad, what is perfect, what is flawed.

When news spread of my friends passing, people began to ask me how he died. Even people who had never met him but were in the social network and media loop asked me what happened, usually accompanied by some pretence toward sensitivity as a Trojan horse to penetrate my defenses.

“Oh God, so terrible, I just heard. What happened?”

“His poor wife, what the hell went on out there?”

“I just heard, I can’t believe it, may he rest in peace..(emoticons ).. I heard he was alive when they found him, did he die on the kayak?.”

Well ok, what’s the problem with that? I mean they are legitimate questions right? Everyone has a right to know what happened. It’s only respectful to him that the truth be known. It’s something that needs to be said. Who’s responsible? What happened? Why did this happen? How could it be allowed happen? Are there photographs? I think we should share them and get to the bottom of this.

Such pigs and buffoons, self-righteous and ignominious, garrulous, petulant and without the simple, human endearment to strive to ask a simple human question.

How did he live?

So transfixed are we in the affliction of death that we do not see the magnitude of life, the vast complexity of the fibres of each human history, intertwined to create a fantastic “yarn”.

But still, the tittle-tattle requirement of those not even basically acquainted with the deceased, reminds me of the mentally ill surfers of the internet, seeking out videos of deaths, torture, murders, wars, diseases and suffering, seeking a thrill from the observance of death and suffering.

Death is a finality, it is a predefined guaranteed event, it is the only thing we can know will definitely happen.

Life however is not predefined, it has millions upon millions of variations, it is a living evolving story, it turns this corner and that happens.. it opens that door and this happens and those things lead to other things and so on and so forth.

What is the point if we are going to die? Why even bother? Death is going to come and we are going to become a stereotype of life. We must succumb, there is no option, death comes and we are subject to it.

We are often fixated with death, yet it takes only a short time to die, compared to our life. My friend was fine at least 2 hours before I found out he had passed away when we had chatted and wished good luck to each other. So, how about the prior 49 years?

Death is an inevitability, we cannot shade or hide from it, we cannot avoid, cheat or lie to it, it will become us one day, yet life gives us the endurance and enjoyance of years and years of its company.

In talking of life and death, I would direct you to think about a totally different subject, death and life….

Death. We are born to die, our bearers are born to die, our offspring are born to die. We can’t predict if they will be a painter, a drug dealer, a world leader or a mediocre porn actor, a serial killer or a car salesman, but we know they will die. God, that word, that name, that symbol of all things of the afterlife and the world herein, created us apparently to die and return to him (he is apparently a he).

A man stands in a field of heather and short grass, his dog at his side and he throws a stick high and long as the dog looks heaven bound to follow it. “Fetch” the man calls to his dog and she rises in a split second, sprints to the stick and gripping it in it’s salivating mouth, returns it to the man. The man repeats this several times, the dog tires and the man throws the stick again. The dog looks at the man and says “if you wanted the stick so badly, why do you keep throwing it away?”

If God wanted us so badly, why does he create souls, give them bodies, let them suffer and then judge them worthy to enter heaven. It doesn’t seem to make sense, but then I’m not an omnipotent deity. That’s not a knock at religion, they all have their flaws and their perfections, they have their submissions, faints and powers.

Death is more important than birth to so many, it’s where we are headed, and we focus our lives attempting to achieve the “rights of passage” to ensure our death is the door to heaven.

What if .. “just” ..ok.. you weren’t going anywhere.. just here.. just now.. would you become more focused on hedonism and the “here and now”.. I have had  as a younger man, a tendency to live my life and to enjoy wine, women, song, people, conversation, food, nature and the excesses of driving my mortal shell to another place. I am being what I call being selfish. I am driven by the idea that there is no “after this” so I live, I live as best as I can whilst not allowing my hedonism to cloud or corrupt my thoughts or hurt others. This seems like a moral code. We focus on death, such a small time in our life but miss the point of life , which is to live.. to really live. Did you ever do it? Did you live? Do you know how to?

We talk and the glory of the 300 or Alexander or the great Temujin brings courage to our hearts but we are all flesh, blood and bones.. even them…

I would say, take the Couer De Lion, be a spirit beyond yourself.

Dont just talk..






Rule 18 Things (must) happen for a reason

Two people meet in a bar and get married a few years later, an old man who was a nasty old bugger, dies in his home alone, you split with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you find a puppy in the park and in observing these occurrences, someone in a stroke of philosophical genius recants the phrase “things happen for a reason” and with that patronising, reassuring smile, they rest content that they have solved another of life’s mysteries and from this point on your amazing karmic life will be full of exciting mystical happenings attributed to “things happen for a reason” theory.

Water in a kettle changes temperature for the simple reason that you apply heat energy to it, whether through radiation, convection or conduction or similarly if you put it in a position of lower heat energy, it will become cooler. That is something happening for a reason. There is an occurrence and a direct observable cause. Water does not get hot because of an inherent karmic predestination to do so. Hit that switch on the wall.. go on.. do it.. !! That light bulb is going to switch on.. no not that one…. ah yes.. that one!!

Einstein wanted to devise a theory to explain why things happens, in fact why everything happens, Newton did pretty well with that sort of thing too, they had theories that proved things. I can tell you if I was to remove my thumbnail with a pair of pliers that it would bloody well hurt… cause and effect.. understood and painfully clear.

So let’s have a look at that lovely puppy that you found in the park. There is a fire at your home, you are asleep and smoke overcomes you, the puppy, now a full-grown chihuahua drags you to safety, passing out of course on the lawn of your suburban home and the world is notified via a viral post that a rescued animal saves its saviour… “things happen for a reason”, a force, maybe “the force” put that helpless puppy in the park, so that in the future it could save you.

Yup, that does it for me, I’m sold.

Well, I’m not really, I don’t believe in ghosts, ghoolies, vampires, Presbyterians, politicians or the goose that laid the golden egg. I am not sure about Santa though.. he seems pretty real.. I’ve seen him on TV.

So, my joviality aside, I will say that I am excited by interesting coincidences and believe they are opportunities not to be wasted. You happen to bang your car into the most beautiful girl you have ever seen and she isn’t angry and you chat and hit it off.. well, it’s maybe a way of meeting people, if you want to look at the statistics of the chances of it happening, it might seem slim or impossible, but then again, look at the possibilities and the number of accidents and you can actually see that it’s possible and definitely not improbable. There is something romantic or irrational or “lucky” about beneficial or even life changing situations that seem to occur through random events. They seem so well-timed as if there is divine intervention, “if he hadn’t got that call, he would have been in the hotel when the bomb went off”, “she was late for her bus and walked to the next street to another stop, there she met her future husband, who lived 3 miles away and had used the bus stop only on that morning, because his friend’s car had broken down round the corner”.

“Things happen for a reason”. I think babies happen because of sex. I think it rains because evaporation forms clouds and when they become very dense the moisture forms droplets of water that fall to earth. I think if you drink enough water, you will go pee. I think if I leave my onions in the frying pan, on full heat, they will go black and burn and stink out the house. those things happen for a reason.

I am not trying to kill the romantic dream of the bus stop couple. I fact I myself have been subject to random acts recently that are so well-timed they smell like divine intervention. If something didn’t happen randomly, then I wouldn’t have been in contact with Miss Teree and if it didn’t happen when it did, we would never have known of each others existence.

There are 7.4 billion hearts beating on the face of this planet, take a scenario, throw it in the air and see where it lands. There will be people far “smarter” than I who can give you formulae that predict the likelihood of you meeting Beyoncé at a diner, or of becoming president or of dying in a freak bar mitzvah gas explosion, caused by a part-time performing clown named Jacques, who is a transgender dentist from Kazakhstan…

We love to feel that life is somehow divinely guided, whether it be by the stars, numerology, fate, Kismet or karma, god or one of the many current gods, it gives some meaning to our lives right? Actually, I feel if my life is guided by some stars or a god, then it’s not my life, my life is a play toy  held in the cyclic whimsical hand of “fate” and good or bad, I am not an individual, I am a puppet at the control of a “higher purpose” amongst all the other puppets, a heavenly hand shoved up my fabric behind, playing Punch to fates Judy.

The phrase “things happen for a reason” does not predispose us to know the outcome of an action, rather we attribute an outcome from a random action and attribute this to a non recurrent, random situation.  If every puppy rescued from the park, saved someone, I might agree, that “things happen for  a reason”in the mystical context it is usually applied.  If every couple randomly met at bus stops then I might assume that “things happen for a reason” probably that bus stops are good meeting places….

Sorry to be a cynic in the great course of the exciting mysticism of life, but it seems like a fairy story, but of course if you read this and realise the ridiculous nature of the idea… or you think I’m wrong and strongly feel the opposite, then remember…

“Things happen for a reason”.




I had thought I had created “something new”. Sadly the internet takes less than a second to educate me with 141,000 results that prove otherwise, but as there is no rule book of life apparently, I can make up my own meaning, so there!!

I am currently writing several books, some true stories and some works of fiction. In one work of fiction, the main character, stands on the outer walkway at the top of the lighthouse he takes care of and he stares out at the sea. He wonders if anyone is afflicted like he is and if so, what do they feel like, how do they deal with it? (I will say no more as I don’t want to ruin the plot). As a seagull enters his field of vision, he suddenly decides to try an experiment and steps two feet to the left. then he looks straight out at the sea again. He notices that he cannot see exactly the same things that he had previously unless he turns his head slightly to the right.

Then he tries to imagine two men side by side,  staring directly forwards at a wall with a painting on it, just about 10 feet away and realises that they cannot possibly see the same thing and even more stirring, the fact that they may both have different perceptions of the same image.

If he stands very far away he can see everything but with little detail, if he stands closely he can see details but not the whole picture. even if two people stare at exactly the same thing with exactly the same field of vision, they will be looking from different perspectives or angles, therefore as no two people can or do occupy the same space and physical being in time, they cannot see the same things, therefore they can only have a perspective of another persons view. Further to this, their personal interpretation will be the next point of processing, then their ability to relate back their observations and perceptions will be the next stage, followed by the perception of the listener, their processing and finally the image they will mentally project of that original image.

I see — I process — I explain — you hear — you process — you recreate the image.

That’s a lot to go wrong. Not surprising we find it easy to group people together and label them, otherwise we would live in a world of 7.4 billion individuals, with as many perspectives and that would be chaos…. right?

If you have seen Monty Pythons’ “The life of Brian”, you might remember when Brian explains to the crowd that they are all individuals and one chap calls out “I’m not” the crowd remaining quiet as if in agreement. We are all different, we all occupy a different point in space and therefore time and therefore we are subject to my perspective of perspectivism

I can never truly understand you, nor you I unless you can be me or I you. This is unfortunate as most people need a social identity, a tribal tag, a religious belonging, a sexual classification, a wealth perspective, an educational “level”, a wife and two kids and a dog with a “unique” name, that “means something”, it’s a way of forging an identity along with the mass, even though we think we are individuals, we are part of mankinds corporate identities, to be truly individual would be a very lonely place.

Inside our consciousness, we are individual, unless someone can see, hear, feel, smell and taste precisely what you are doing right now, now that would really be some trick wouldn’t it.

A new rule for the rulebook based upon my theory of perspectivism would be as follows…

Stop “trying” to be individual, you already are. No one can live your life, only you. You are every second of every day on a completely individual journey.




rule 23.a. subsection 5 Cogito Ergo Sum

The following depiction is completely fictional and the characters therein are also completely fictional. Any resemblance to characters living or deceased is purely coincidental.

We live in a world of fast information, cliches, answers that are fed to us on plate and doctrines and traditions handed down to us since we were created from the dust of the earth, this is an inevitable juxtapose unforeseen to our predecessors. We have access to videos of moon landings and video game walk throughs, recipes for almost every dish on earth and self help videos on how to get the perfect eye shadow for that party you are going to attend on Friday at the “Golden Dragon” Chinese restaurant on that country road heading out of town.

In the beginning, man was made from the earth, and our partner was fashioned from a rib taken from that first man Adam. She was Eve. Ever since that day that God that scooped up the earth, we have been in a state of holy deadlock.. oh I mean wedlock., but we have also been in an existentialist battle to understand ourselves, why we are here and who put all this together. why are we born and more importantly, why do we die?

Yes, that’s right.. I think it’s more important to wonder why we die? What is the necessity, if god created us, for us to die? I am about to be macho and tell you, I am not afraid to die, I understand it is coming, I know, just like my next meal, I must have it, I must engage in it. I do not want to die slowly and painfully or in utter terror, however, I know I will and I am of the mind that when I do, it will be the end of me. I will not go to a place where my relatives are waiting, their souls gathered in paradise, instead I will cease to function, in the same way a laptop does when its hard drive eventually gives up.

Do I value myself so little? Goodness, no, I love being alive, in fact I might say that because I do not live in the comfort of an afterlife, I live more than those who think there is something else coming after death. In fact I wonder, as we have a perception of heaven with our family, when your soul reaches heaven, how old would your presence be? i mean, say I remember my grandparents in their heyday as grandparents , during their 50s, would they be that person when I reach even or would for example my grandmother be the old, sick , dementia ridden shell that she was when I last saw her. if little Sarah dies at 5, is her soul commended to heaven to be perpetuated at that age?

This is just a jovial poke at the idea of our perceptions of heaven and what religion leaves unanswered. I looked at Adam and God, on that painted ceiling by Michelangelo and the things that struck me quite immediately were that Adams hand resembled that of an alpha ape, such as a chimpanzee, offering his hand for a lower ape to give submission, this would be totally wrong in the context of our understanding, yet, if you pay attention to the cloud or shell in which God is floating, you see that it resembles the shape of a human skull or moreover, human brain. This made me very curious, why is Adam accepting God, and why is he contained in the shell of a human head or brain? Also if you don’t mind to humour me, why is God a he? God could be as in the Buddhist style, very androgynous.

Did Michelangelo intend this suggestion or is it just my imagination recreating the tooth fairy and the sandman all over again? If I can imagine the link between the paining and the relationship of Adam and God, is it not equally plausible that others might elaborate thoughts on similar ideas and eventually we are “religious”.

It will be obvious by now that I am an atheist I suppose. I am not here to mock religion, I am not given over to the supposition that I am smarter than religious people, in fact, my mind is open to proof, but I will need more proof than merely the threat of God punishing me for non belief, that is for cows and sheep in the field and perhaps they have a god too.

So I go to a wonder latin phrase “Cogito ergo sum”  which is over cooked, super cliched and probably used by every quasi philosopher that roamed the middle earth, yet, this simple line, this totalitarian sentence, describes consciousness in its very essence.

I think… therefore I am.. it actually means (dare I interpret?) that, if we were to break down the existence we have, we could prove by the thoughts we have that we are conscious and aware of ourselves, we cannot prove the physical, our mind could make it all up… but hark, what light through yonder window breaks, it is my brain in a jar, using its matter to think. The problem in this line of deduction is actually non existent unless you wish to move away from the pure mental aspect. if we isolate our minds and say, Ok, I’m a being made entirely of thought, completely alone, then what of the universe, what of everything I see and interact with? Is It all made up? If it is all made up  by me, and everything is illusion, then am I not God, or rather was Descartes not God?.. in his own reality…

So, is Michelangelo, portraying consciousness in his beautiful painting? It seems to me that he painted a brain and he says that God comes to Adam from that brain and the hand signals are resemblant of apes master and submissive behaviour, yet it would then mean that Adam is master, offering his turned down fingers and God is the submissive, as if reaching out to become part of man.

Ok so you have guessed it, this is not about painting ceilings, I have a few at home and they will be difficult for me even in one colour, this is about consciousness, Descartes’ over used philosophical literary summary,  which cliches a person who studied the stars,  the world, mathematics and physics and  whom was the modern pivotal voice of philosophy.

Do we think? Do we accept doctrines passed to us because if we don’t, we go to hell, or our community shuts us out or we are punished by mans laws derived from the same ideals?  Or do we independently think and feel and derive our own conclusion, free from the sticky grease of peer pressure in whatever form it adopts.

We love to think we are individuals, but I think we are not. We love thinking that we have a God, but I doubt if you will have chosen the right one of about 50.. and when you die, you will have felt the pressure all your life of assuring yourself that you followed the “only” god and that you will have your place in heaven.

How can so many religions be right? Then, how can so many people simply believe what they are told, like sheep? In fact In Christianity, they have a flock and a shepherd.. in other religions they use fear and oppression to maintain their followers, but at the end of it all, its just another religion claiming ownership, power, right to punish, piety, love and warmth.

God is not touching Adam, Adam I think is touching God. Without mans consciousness God would not exist, .. ask a cat if it’s sunni, shea, catholic, protestant,  zen or whatever .. It will lick its butt and carry on with it’s day..




A touch of advice

So, I rejoin you with another few months of life experience under my belt, the benefit of which has been derived from the turmoil of the last few months. From my bosses deciding to close the company I have worked as general manager of for 15 years, to the abysmal remuneration I received, to trying to find a part time job, training for Ironman again, managing my wifes music career, moving out of my company apartment, moving temporarily into my inlaws, giving away half of my stuff to charity, throwing half away, selling a third and trying to fit the other half into my inlaws place…. no.. wait a minute, something doesn’t add up there.. anyway, as you can imagine, it’s been hilarious, a rollercoaster of laughs, smiles and fond memories, from which I will draw endless anecdotes for my grandkids and other old farts at parties… NOT!!

I am going however, to draw on the greatness that comes from all crappy situations.. experience.

Well, for a start, there’s not much else to take from all the goings on, it’s not easy trying to derive pleasure from losing a full time time job and salary and I am truly lucky I had a place to stay, otherwise I would be out on the street. I earned to cut down on my necessities and try to use what I have wisely.

In Asia, the biggest loss in this case would be face… I however, do not care what people think of me when I am down, in fact I don’t really care what people think of me full stop… I am not being cocky, I just mean that I don’t allow peoples negativity to get me down, I have enough to deal with, without the “views” or “opinions” of those grey people that see everything as their personal shame.

What’s great is I am free from a job I hated, or rather a company I hated. I was never shown respect, never given help, the staff I was given (in the land of nepotism), were rude, obnoxious and at times violent, so I am free.. so.. should you feel ashamed at losing the job, or proud you are no longer a pit pony?

The struggle to get up and running again after after you have been hit by a steam train is either something you are gonna cry about, or something you are going to face. If you were being chased by a tiger in the jungle and you fell and hurt yourself, I bet you would pick yourself up 10 times faster and with less complaining than if you just fell on the football field, so what’s the difference? Well, life is the tiger and and you either get up and carry on running or stop, complain and die…

As I had invested heavily in our home business, I had to face the idea that, I must get back up and running damn fast. Wondering what to do and how to explain to your friends or family, should be the least of your worries, if anyone makes you feelbad and doesn’t support you, they are not worth your time and you should not feel belittled in their presence. So, I just told the truth, put out the message that I need a job pretty fast and started trying to get my wife a better support crew as an artist. This meant also, looking at not being the manager…. which at first once again felt like losing a job, when in actual fact, it was simply finding a new perspective and direction in the strategy of her career.

I still write a column for a national newpaper, so I have a simple responsibility to uphold every month, that is a joy, because I enjoy talking, writing, putting my ideas down and letting you listen to my waffling.

During all that, I became an Ironman, did another 70.3 for charity against a relay team… which (ahem) I beat.. and I bettered my time from last year by 20 minutes.. now, it’s not quite the 40  minutes I wanted, but I can’t complain too much, I’m quite happy to be better than I was. It’s just a matter of applying yourself fully to whatever you do and tying to enjoy the results. The glass is always half full and when it’s empty it’s an opportunity to fill it again. Even after several months of winding the company down, not having very much money and trying to get the best from myself in sports and for my wife in her career, I wake each morning happy that there is another day and another chance to reach glory or to screw up majestically, but whatever you do, it’s another day of life, another day to be alive, to relish it and wallow in it’s ups and downs.

I am still putting out feelers, trying to find a full time, decent paying job, whilst doing lots of other things and pushing through the crowds of grey people all frowning and making out as if I’m somehow deficient, when in fact, I am a shiny example of the middle finger in the air. I care about a career and my life and my wife, very much, but I am not subject to the opinions of those that would drag me back or try to dent my shiny, happy exterior.

So, here is the simple advice.. the phrase “Don’t let the bastards get you down” may be applied if you wish…. however, slightly more eloquently (I hope).

When something goes wrong, you lose a job, get divorced, split up with a partner, lose money in investments, buy a crap house, buy a second hand car (or even a new one) which is just a total pain in the butt and you feel “embarrased”.. ask yoursef.. why do I feel this way? If the eyes did not see your error, or more importantly, if the owners of those eyes,were not judging or criticizing, would you feel anywhere near as bad? Could you pick yourself up faster and better if you disposed of the necessity to be made to feel bad?

Rule 11…

Do not let the bastards get you down … if you fall… get up and get running again, don’t stop to see who watching you,it will not help you to go any faster, in fact, it will slow you down… pick yourself up, get going and fight back…

Take out the washing and do the ironing (part 2)

land ho!!

land ho!!

There is this race…. it’s a 3.8km swim in the sea, or a river or a lake, followed by a 180km cycle race, followed by a 42km run. That, by the way is followed “directly” … you don’t get one hour to rest, eat, shower.. you only get the time you want to take to change gear and get on with the next section.

Crazy right? Well, I thought I might possibly be.. I had to get a game plan together, I had been told that physically I must do more than each of the distances at some point, so psychologically I could handle the idea and the stress of the day.

It was a few months back that I had a meeting with my boss, where there was a huge onus on me to work longer hours or to change my current hours, as supervisory staff were not doing their jobs correctly and I was the only one capable of ensuring the factory ran properly, so as usual, I am pulling extra rope.. well hey, what to do?

This however, was a disturbing thought, because I had this Ironman race booked and I needed to train, so I had to get myself a training program and try to fit it around the 6 days and 60 hours per week of work. Strangely enough, this was the perfect opportunity to get myself organised.

Starting at 10am and possibly working till 9pm or 10pm, I tried to continue waking up as early as possible and swimming in the morning at the condo before work, it was a great buzz in fact, it’s very invigorating and gets the metabolism moving in the morning. I could swim up to 2kms, though some mornings it would be 1km or 750mts or 1.5, just depending on time, mood and of course mental state. Swimming is really fun, however, training can get boring, going up and down, or rather back and forth in a 25mt pool is hardly stimulating, so you have to be a good conversationalist and not be too argumentative whilst talking to yourself for half an hour up to maybe 90 minutes in the pool. I often found myself enjoying it so much that I would be smiling in the water, sure signs of madness… talking to myself and smiling to myself whilst swimming… but hey, if it gets you where you are going …..

My bosses generally go off at about 5pm and as I am only required to supervise the workers and fix things if they go wrong, I decided to take the turbo trainer (that’s a device that you clip your bike into which gives drag to the back wheel, allowing you to simulate the physical stress of cycling on your own bike) to the office and do some “brick” training, which entails, cycling then running, so that your body gets used to the change..

Several nights per week I would train like this at the factory, putting in anything from a meagre 20  minutes on a heavy setting on the turbo, right up to 90 minutes if I could, followed by a change of shoes and a run round the factory, typically 5kms up to 7kms and sometimes close to 10kms.

On nights where I didn’t want to cycle I would jog and walk around the factory, sometimes up to 21kms, this training proved one of the most important I would do. My factory is only 100mts by 30mts, so I have a lot of loops to do to reach 21kms, this taught me the joy of running again and I became accustomed to boredom, weird huh? Well, really, I knew on the day of the race I would have 4 loops of just over 10kms, so that would surely be better mentally than 70 or 80 loops of my factory.

Still, I hadn’t really gotten up to the big distances on anything and the first was going to be the swim…  I use swimming to wind down from exercise, to relieve lactic acid and to invigorate me in the mornings, however, with the long working hours, the only time I was going to get any serious swimming in was on Saturdays or Sundays and Saturday is a half day, so I am limited there too… So, the plan went like this, Saturday afternoon, swim, get over 3kms to start and then build up.. I have to say, if you have only done 2kms previously, 3kms and above seems like a long long way, just lucky I suppose that I enjoy swimming, because I hate training, it’s too “compulsory” for me, that’s why I had to go through the boredom and regimental stages to mentally overcome them.

I found a pleasant Saturday afternoon, after work and got my gear together, stop watch, goggles, hat, tri suit all in my little swim bag and went down to the pool, it was quite bright and looked as though the sun was taking it’s chances to get out in the open amongst the clouds and I got my self ready and sat on the edge of the pool, there were a few people around, some kids (usually swimming across the width of the pool, but this time just moving randomly) I don’t know why but parents don’t seem to think there is much danger or offense in letting their kids swim all around you, when you are going up and down at speed, but anyway, if they bump into me, or vice versa at my size, they will surely only do it once… as a collision with a submarine of my size is gonna hurt…

Anyway, I slid into the warm pool and took a few slow breaths, looked at the far side, knowing I would be seeing it close up many, many times. I Started the stop watch and began my first strokes. My swim has improved a lot over the moths of training, slowly and steadily, I hadn’t yet learned to breathe both sides in my crawl style, but I had improved my reach, I learned how to catch better, how to relax and glide, whilst still keeping an aggressive speed, but I hadn’t tried it at such a distance. Well, I was swimming, that was for sure, bum wiggling, random kicks but with my calm reach, turn and catch moving me nicely through the water, it went on and on for what seemed like forever, I had to count the laps, and looked at the watch when  I had done 1.5kms it was around  or maybe a little more, but anyway.. I just kept going and every now and again, looked at the watch to see the time and how I thought I should do, I had the calculation in my head that Ironman time would be 1.30 to 1.35, though I preferred 1.30 or even less, it felt quite aggressive and tiring, so I just kept at the pace and tried to get my way through it. I had a couple of problems that were a little off putting, my goggles steamed up as normal, but I got some weird glare issue with my eye, which started getting sensitive at about 2.5kms, then at about 2.8kms, as well as feeling the weight of my work load, I started to get a cramp in in my left foot and then a slight niggling in my hands. The cramp was expected, each time I have gone beyond the previous best distance, I would get a cramp, so I knew eventually they would go, but, it doesn’t stop the fact that I am 500mts from my target swim and my feet are doing weird stuff and now my hands too.. anyway, just fight through, finish the distance and then it’s done…. right?

I swam 3.3kms total in a time of around 1 hour 25 minutes, this was pretty off from where I wanted to be, but lets face it, I’m not chasing podiums, just trying to finish a huge race before the cut offs, so I’m still ok at this kind of time for the swimming. This was a wake up call to improve this discipline, I needed to improve my style and find out what was wrong or how I could get better, from this point onwards I studied up on swimming and listened to people’s advice or observations about my swim technique, from dragging my feet to wiggling my bum and a great piece of advice in Chrissie Wellington’s book about breathing both sides. This was a great attack point, I started to vigorously train to breathe both sides and to try to straighten my body up, I still didn’t kick, but I had watched the Olympic 1.5km swimmers and they were not kicking much, but.. they were very straight, so I needed to emulate some of these assets and use them to my advantage, I continued to swim every few days and longer swims at weekends until I reached a 4km (actually 4.24kms because the pool is 26.5mts not 25mts.. and GPS missed off a lap) swim one Saturday afternoon… then I know I was ready..

Cycling was a thing that could be done on Saturday after work for heat training and Sunday for 5 or 6 hours for duration training. I had never gone beyond 100kms in my weekends at Hulu Langat on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur, so I knew I had to whack that distance then slowly build up, it was the following Saturday after I had done my epic 4.24 swim that I packed the bike on the car and headed out in the afternoon to cycle in the heat.. it went ok, it was hot and I wasn’t sure if my clever idea of cycling 180kms at an Ironman was really such a well thought out scheme after all, I have to say, cycling alone in the heat is a weird experience.  When I got off the bike, my butt and neck hurt, I was hot and very tired and a little “confused”. I am riding an ordinary Trek 1.5 aluminum bike, no aero bars etc, just a straight up road bike, I was starting to doubt if this was a good idea, when I had numbness in both my hands and in my wedding tackle.. yes.. even that was a bit numb…

I got a contact for Patrick Potvin at Cycle Studio in Taman Tun Dr Ismail, some months before, from my mentor Dave Spence and a couple of other cyclists who told me, he was the guy to see about a bike fit, I made an appointment and had a bike fit done… wow, what a difference, comfort was better, power was better and I wasn’t leaning on the handlebars with all my weight, it took a couple of hours, but it was worth the money, I got a full set of measurements and a report emailed to me so that I could have any bike set up the same way in the future and Patrick was very helpful and informative, so I walked away with some useful knowledge, the key one he and several other people gave, was again… do the distances and a little more and try to do that a few times, so you are prepared. This advice was great, but a little unnerving, I knew I had very little time left to fit in the distances, so I had to get to work training and fast, so you can imagine how mush time the body needs to get used to these elements, as even with a bike fit, I had a little numbness and some pains, the end of the day, you just have to put the hours in.

I stepped up with a slightly more than 100km cycle and then with my last big one at 170kms, where unfortunately my GPS battery died and I only got 151 recorded, this was a month out from the race, after this I had to taper down… this was a nervous time, I had never swam 3.8 in the sea and I still hadn’t cycled more than that day at 170kms…

how about the marathon? Someone told me I needed a couple of 30km runs in the build up, I had been slowly running half marathons in training at work, running and walking actually, I was Hashing whenever I could fit it in and brick training at the office in the evenings and so once again, I finished work on a Saturday afternoon and resolved to do 3 10km laps around the rolling slopes of the Mont Kiara, Solaris, Publika and Hartamas area, I figured the heat would be the perfect way to train, I had actually booked the Jungle Marathon for the Sunday morning, but decided to scrap it in favour of the mid afternoon heat, I figured it was more appropriate training and I needed to know what level of dehydration and tiredness or confusion I would hit… The plan was run the first loop, walk and jog the second and walk the third. I set off about 2pm from the apartment and did the loop heading from Plaza Mont Kiara to Solaris, through Publika, on to Plaza Damas and then decided to hang a left up the small hill towards the condos and make a loop round the housing area, then head back the reverse way, when I reached back to the condo, I found I had 12.5kms, not a bad number, it was about one and a quarter hours, so I set off on the second loop, however, contrary to the plan, I was able to run it with just a little walking, I had to stop at the garage for drinks and I had some Salt Stick pills to keep up my electrolytes, the garage had Gatorade and I combined that with cold bottled water which went over my head and down my dry throat, second loop was a hot 1 hour 16 minutes, I figured I had another loop in me and after a brief stop at the convenience store for more water and a 100 Plus, I set off with a jog and walk, that last loop burnt into me the realisation that the Ironman race was going to take a lot of nutrition, was going to be mega hot and after a 180km bike ride (which I still had not covered in training) was going to need an Iron will…. the last loop was j over , but, I had covered 37.5kms in a net time of just over 4 hours, this was great, it put me where I needed to be mentally, yet still, the thought that I had never run a marathon before, also burdened my mind, but as I was to far in and couldn’t go crazy on training,  I had to just accept what I had done and that I had made the best of the limited time I had.

Dont forget, during all this time I have a full time job, need to eat, sleep, recover, do domestic stuff, try to live a life, the race is not everything, just a part of life, albeit at that time a huge part…..

It’s one week before the race… my wife asks me “Are you nervous?” … I answered that “If I was nervous now, I would be a wreck by next week, no I’m not nervous, it’s all trained for”.. I was telling the truth, I was going to finish this race, even if I had to crawl, I was mentally ready for the biggest race of my life..

My wife was performing at Genting Highlands the night before the flight, so I was alone that night at home to pack and prepare everything, running through the lists and the gear, over and over again. I had been lent a bike case by a triathlete who lives in my condo Chris Krang, who was really kind to help me out with the box, otherwise I would be in trouble, Tri Stupe AKA Lim Ee Van lent me a double rear bottle holder for the bike, which I couldn’t get a hold of in the shops, another saviour, whose kind advice and friendly nature was of great support. In fact a striking point is that I have met almost no one in the triathlon circle that is rude, unfriendly or particularly competitive on a one to one basis, everyone is like a big family, all competing against themselves, instead of each other.

Anyway, I had to strip my huge Trek down and wrap it in foam, this was a big job, I hadn’t done it before and so I got on youtube for some quick video tips, making sure I used liquid paper and insulation tape to mark important position settings before moving anything… the last thing you want to do when you get to the race is to try to do a home made bike fit, because you forgot to mark the important settings.

I can’t say I was sure of the gear, despite the lists and OCD moments checking and re checking the gear, the food and my holiday togs. In fact, ridiculous as it sounds, I had forgotten the race bib belt… it occurred to me as I went to bed the night before the flight… lucky though not super serious.. they sell those things at the merchandisers too and quite cheap.. it’s only things like helmets or bike shoes or tri suit that are really crucial as you have trained with them over and over again, you wouldn’t really want to try a new helmet at the last minute.

I had a great sleep, called Poova in the morning to make sure she was on track to get down from Genting Highlands and to the airport in time, we had rebooked our flights from Firefly to MAS, because of baggage complications and allowances, at a loss of RM800 (…ish). Lucky really because the Ironman organisers, released the athlete info booklet only a few weeks before the race stating that all athletes (I like that word.. makes me feel fit!!) should be in attendance for registration by 5pm on the Thursday before the race, which is bit silly really as all flights and hotels etc were booked months back… initially Firefly changed my flight from 5 in the afternoon to around 3, then I changed it to around 11 in the morning, then ultimately we cancelled.

I was glad to be on MAS.. I like the airline, service is good, flights are usually on time, Firefly does have a rep for moving things around and besides, it was a nice big plane with that familiar Malaysian Airlines look that we associate with our trips overseas, so there was something comforting and homely about the whole thing.

The wifester met me in good time and we got our baggage sorted, the staff stuck on big “Handle with care” stickers and we had a very uneventful flight, bumping into Roberto Carfagno another (much faster) triathlete whom I had met at Port Dickson and Morib triathlons before. There were several other people who looked very fit and tanned and whom I assumed were also going, it was starting to feel like a race was coming… we disembarked at Langkawi to a mass of people with huge bike boxes and had a long wait for our baggage as perhaps a hundred bikes came and went with their masters and families.

We were booked into the Langkawi Seaview hotel, someone had jokingly said “beware of names like Seaview, it’s a cover to make a bad place sound good”. We got a large taxi to the hotel, the gentleman driving was very pleasant and was trying to coax me into a conversation in Malay, though my Bahasa is not great for chit chat so we had a broken discussion about the current weather and the value of Ironman for tourism and commerce for the people of Langkawi, which seems to be very positively welcomed by the locals, which is great, because it would be sad to see the race disappear again after a 4 year hiatus.

It didn’t take long to reach the hotel, the driver had reassuringly said the weather was damp and rainy the past few weeks so I was hoping for at least cooler weather, in Malaysia cooler does not mean cool… it means less bloody hot!!!

The hotel was pleasant, very close to the transition and registration, so not far for my wife to carry my bones back after the race… if there any bones left….

Check in was super slow.. I commented to the 20 other athletes waiting that this was our first test of endurance, it seemed to take forever just to get me checked in… I wondered how long it would be before the poor guy at the end of the queue got through. Once done, we got our room sorted, got the place feeling like home, the wife went to sleep (which was her MO for the next few days) and I went off to register. The registration was swift, I got my bags and goodie bag and I was quickly weighed… 87kgs in my clothes, about a year before I was 97kgs.. that’s what this level of training had done for me… after tripping over the second weigh scale and filling in a questionnaire, I shyly made my way to the merchandise area to check out the gear, there were a lot of very cool items, great designs, quality materials and it was hard not to go on a spend fest, however, I bought some tees and visors and a tri top and was happy all round, I bought a package for RM50 with Power Gels and bars, I’m not a fan, but they are very useful during races to boost the salts and sugary fuel, though I would advise keeping off the ones with caffeine, as you can get lit up like a Christmas tree off those things.. 5 seemed enough for me.. I had chocolate bars, muesli bars, Horleys replace in my water tanks and Hammer Anti Fatigue Caps and some Octane Ultra Endurance salt pills. This plus bananas and water on the way round would surely do the trick…

the red pills and the blue pills

the red pills and the blue pills

These pills were split into two bags.. the red pills and the blue pills.. one pill makes you bigger and one pill makes you small… just ask Alice…

useful if I wrote on which one was which... silly boy

The evening was a mix of organising my gear into the bags and getting ready for the welcome carb dinner and compulsory race briefing. There was a shuttle service from close to the hotel and whilst the wifester tried to break her world sleeping record, I attended the dinner, I landed myself on a table with a Danish chap and an Aussie chap and soon the table was filled with complete strangers all exchanging conversation, me being overly talkative as usual.. and I got chatting to Steve Harley from the UK who was on his fifth or sixth race, the whole group was a big mix of German, Danish, Aussie and us Brits, with a Brit from Dubai who had done an Ultraman..  (I can’t even begin to imagine).

Not surprising really to have such a mix on our table, considering there were around 60 countries represented. With over a 1000 athletes present, I was surprised to recognise only a few faces, Rupert Chen, Damian Baines and my mate Dave Spence, chirpy and full of beans as always…

Dinner seemed to be a bit disappointing to many but the briefing was great and I had a slightly better knowledge of the whole thing. As I left I bumped in to Lee Kok Kee and Chris Krang and had a bit of a natter about things and was invited to hook up with them at the trial swim the next morning at 8am.. although it went in my head as 7am…. silly boy… I headed back to the coach and ended up next to Steve again and continued my yakkety yakking… he was very calm and had plenty of useful advice, likewise he asked me about the heat and I gave my (humble) opinions on the use of salt pills, factor 110 sunblock and building up electrolytes before the race.

I got off the coach down from transition and ran back to the hotel in the rain, Poova was awake and we decided that a beer was in order and got ourselves to the Cappucino Cafe, a life saver if you ask me… draught Guinness and pub food.. just what we needed.. and guess who was there? Steve and his partner Trish, so we hooked up and had a few more beers and a good old chin wag.

Sleep went well and I headed off for the swim bright and early to meet those guys at 7am, going the wrong way, I bumped into a gentleman from Singapore called Joseph in his 60s who was kind enough to point me in the right direction and we chatted a while on the way to the jetty. I asked him the usual questions I asked everybody.. “How many have you done? Any advice? What’s your age group? Where was your favourite race?” stuff like that..

He gave me a beautiful piece of advice that I used and I will never forget… he said “Warm up on the swim, eat on the bike and race on the marathon” …… he had done 6 Ironman races so I figured he knew what he was talking about.. unfortunately when I looked back at the results I think this one was a DNF for him.. but big thanks .. your advice helped a first timer a hell of a lot…

The trial swim was just over a kilometer, no big deal, just sea, markers and mud.. the same mud I believe is the reason for many DNFs on race day. it was a sludgy feeling stepping off the jetty, but the swim was ordinary, I didn’t pay attention to the view, I just swam and in the last 100mts the water was very black and muddy from the sediment kicked up by the swimmers in front… no big deal.. I got out, rinsed myself off and on my way out bumped into Chris an Kok Kee and gang… “Finished already?” they asked.. duh… silly boy.. next time I will pay more attention.. really thought it was 7am…

After breakfast and a good rest, I got my bags together, the blue for the bike and the red for the run, I decided not to use my special needs bags, I would take what I needed with me.. after all, carrying a few extra grammes here or there won’t hinder me as I’m not going to be winning medals, so seconds don’t count. Besides it would just add stop time or confusion for me.

Poova and I went to transition after assembling the Trek, carrying gear bags and bike, I was still running through everything but I had packed it so that was that… no more messing around.

The transition is very well organised and even a confuserator like me can find their way around no problem.

me in transition

me in transition

Notice the blue skies.. it was very hot when I took this picture….

I dropped off the gear bags and at that point, I realised that the next time I see this stuff, I will be on the race.. wow.. 18 months since my first triathlon and I was about to take on what is described by some as the 3rd hardest Ironman, due to the heat and humidity… gulp…

Poova and I went back, she was a lot more nervous than me strangely enough and I stopped to buy a beer at a nearby shop, one can of Heiniken to ease me into an early sleep and at 7pm, after a huge bowl of local style rice porridge, I drifted off.. I only had one incident of waking up during the night, which was a panicked moment, caused by a strange dream about forgetting my gear… apart from that, I slept through till 5am, woke up to my usual bowl of oats, honey, virgin coconut oil and milk and two cups of strong coffee… I drank lots of water, had a shower and answered the call of nature.. all the usual banal stuff and I took some of the red and blue pills, got my body markings on, immediately screwing up my age group calf sticker, which we wrote on in permanent marker later. I got my goggles and Ironman swim hat, got myself together and we tentatively walked in the dark the few hundred metres to transition.

marked up and ready to go...

marked up and ready to go…

I managed to hook up with Steve and saw a few familiar faces Kok Kee, Chris, Tri Stupe, we drank water, chatted, tried to sit down for a while, there was a very electric vibe in the air, there were lots of people rubbing their partners back saying something into their ears.. I imagine it was “Don’t be scared you’ll do fine”, because some people looked genuinely freaked out. I was very calm, partially thanks to Steve and partly because it was too late to panic, this is it, like it or lump it.

We eventually moved into our predicted swim time groups, I was unsure if I really could do the predicted 1.05 to 1.10, so I stayed with Steve in the 1.10 to 1.30 group and we bumped into Simon Cross who has done Ironman 24 or 25 times… nuts.. really.. wow.. we exchanged banter and I was kinda honoured to be with these two guys at the start, though I felt like a lightweight next to two guys who don’t go below 12 hours or so.. my budget was 15… ?..?..?

As we made our way to the jetty I got another mind altering piece of info from Simon.. “Don’t bother with the GPS watch, only use it to monitor you heart rate on the run, other than that, don’t bother with it.”..

I had a stopwatch on one wrist and the GPS on the other because I knew the battery wouldn’t last because I forgot to change the power setting, so the advice from Simon was perfect, I left the GPS off and only started the stopwatch, so that I could see it every now and again if I needed to. It was soon time for goggles on and we were at the steps of the jetty about to get into the muddy water, Steve reckoned he would draft me and as I wasn’t sure about how much power or aggression to put into the swim, I decided I would keep an eye on his position so as not to get ahead of myself, remember, I never added these distances together and I never cycled 180kms before or ran 42kms, if I kill myself on the swim I might not finish the race, that would be a disaster, for me it was all about power and mental state management. As I slid into the water and made the first reach and catch, I was starting a 226km battle with my body and mind, that with a bit of luck would not last more than 15 hours.

meh... prrrtttt!!

meh… prrrtttt!!

My swim was very safe, the sea was calm, unlike some of the swimmers and Steve and I had a reasonable pace, every now and again, I looked up into the distance, however the orange buoys were so far away I couldn’t see them, Steves age group had pink hats so it was fairly easy to keep him in sight, I went on the far left of the swimmers away from everyone and we kept ourselves to ourselves. I got kicked a few times and the  out’s or over enthusiastic people who will swim 1.30 but set off in the front group were already there, blocking the way, but with the split start, there was a much better swimming environment than other triathlons I had attended. I was enjoying the swim until about 1.5 in when I burped and a large amount of coconut oil seemed to be expelled.. I don’t know what happened it just came out, there will be a small oil slick in the sea there now I guess, but I had no discomfort, no cramps, nothing whatsoever, just the odd stinging sensation here and there but nothing I couldn’t handle.

I remember the first sight of the orange turn around buoy, it still seemed an eternity away.. and it wasn’t getting closer, not by a long stretch, I just tried not to look for it and keep swimming. I was smiling as I swam, I felt great that I was finally racing, this was the day!

Another great piece of advice from my mentor Dave Spence had been to “Enjoy the race”, it popped into my head about 1.6kms into the swim when I took the time to actually look at the bay through my fogged up glasses and enjoy the scenery and the flashy looking yachts that were scattered around the bay.

When I finally reached the orange buoy, I told myself that I was halfway through the first event, lets get back to land and then there’s just the cycle ride around the lovely island before the … gulp…. marathon…

I felt like I was going quite fast and had passed a lot of swimmers, similarly a few had passed me too, I thought it might be a 1.15 or less, the last few hundred meters were amazing, the feeling as you know you just swam all that way in the sea and ae about to do a 180km cycle is really quite a buzz…

As I got out of the muddy water onto the jetty the strain of the pull up the steps gave my right leg a cramp, but only momentarily and I looked at my stopwatch as I got on the wooden boards of the jetty… 1.20 and a few seconds… great.. that’s going well… not as fast as I thought but I wasn’t as aggressive as I could have been, this one is about finishing my first and becoming an Ironman, not about racing and screwing up months of training.


land ho!!

land ho!!

It was a short jog to the transition tent, I knew my number, I was coherent, I had to get going but keep focused. I got my blue gear bag, got out the bike shoes, helmet, vaseline, sunblock, sunglasses, the blue pills and the red pills and I ate a gel and a muesli bar, whilst spying on the other guys to make sure I was doing everything right. I plastered sunblock on, this was really important, Langkawi sun is not a forgiving master, I like being a pale chap, it’s fine by me…  I then took a huge lump of vaseline and lubed up my thighs, butt and general nether regions, 180kms of rubbing would not be fun, so again, better dont take chances on pain….

I had a half litre bottle of water in the bag, which I gulped down, this was to ensure I had some water in my stomach when I set off, because I had a lot of electrolyte drink on the bike and water too, so I was going to avoid the first two water stations and use my supplies. I has 4 water holders, 2 rear with Horleys Replace and 1 front with water, there was one empty holder to use the Ironman bidons, that means I carry less weight and refill from their supplies.

So all prepared,  I dumped the goggles and the swim hat in the blue bag I passed the bag to the attendants and stopped for a pee on the way to get to the bike. Pointy helmet on, waddling in bike shoes, I grabbed my bike, one of a few with no aero bars or fancy wheels and dashed to the mounting point. Once on the bike I was soon at a happy spinning pace, I had decided where possible to just spin but on the big crank and I would get into a standing position on the hoods for the climbs, so sort of keep my blood flowing, my bum off the seat and keep those running muscles awake.

As I headed out of the town I immediately started passing riders and had to calm myself down, if I start racing I might blow and then I won’t finish, must stay steady, focused and stick to the plan… 15 hours.. 1.5 to 2 for swim, 7 for the bike and 6 to 6.5 for the marathon..  I already got swim plus transition 1.30… ish, so take it easy.. silly boy…

As I started the first climb out of the town, people got off the bike and pushed. I thought if you are gonna save energy well ok… if you can’t climb this.. you are screwed.. because there’s gonna be a lot more ahead… I know the Datai are where the hills are “rolling” they are not killers but we have to do this loop twice, so I got up and climbed as planned. It felt tough because of the muscle groups getting used to the work and the heart rate was getting into the work zone. It was morning, so not intensely hot and my helmet, which Simon had said would be very hot, actually gave good shade on my neck against the sun, so I was feeling ok, I started to tuck into my muesli bars and gels and chocolate bars bit by bit, I tried to enjoy the scenery as much as possible and not race anyone, the marshalls shouted at a few riders out in the middle of the road and I was aware of my self, my safety and other riders, I drank constantly and tried to spin and not over work at any point, I got past the first couple of water stops without bothering and found myself with a Japanese lady with her name Minoka on her bib (not compulsory for the bike). We had a reasonable pace and were in and out of each others space from time to time, I didn’t push as she was on an aero bike and I am probably 30kgs heavier so just keeping a nice pace at a non draft distance was perfect. at 45kms I told myself “half of the first half Rob..”

I passed a few riders stopped here and there and I made sure to ask each one if they were ok or needed help, there were many with jumped chains, on the first lap I wasn’t expecting any weird stuff and the Datai section came and went quite well and I managed to begin slowing down and collecting drinks and bananas at the stops. The plan was working, all was well, I came into town off a lovely ride but the last 15 of the first lap seemed a long way, however, I was soon in town and greeted by a familiar voice “Come on Robbie.. you’re going well” it was Dave, as ever, cheering everyone on, there were lots of people with cow bells making a ton of noise and so many people just encouraging us on it was very inspiring. As I headed out of town again for the second loop, I was almost tempted on the hills during that first 10kms to get off and push, just trying to conserve energy and not overwork, but the old legs were feeling alright, so I just kept on steadily motoring, the only difference was that I shifted to the bottom crank and was spinning even more, I had to remember, there is a 42km run coming, I didn’t know if I could even stand at the end of this, so I had better take it easy.

I decided to stop completely at the second water stop and take the pills that I had, because I had forgotten to take them and I didn’t want to end up in trouble due to a lack of electrolytes. I got my water, hundred plus another muesli bar and a banana and I was a happy monkey, this was to be my only intended stop. The second loop was where the heat and fatigue in some people started to show, wobbly cyclists, people I flew past who fell behind very quickly after that, people stopped in the road, one particular chap on the Datai section at the top of a hill, bike across the road, stopped, staggering around, I asked if he needed help and he said he was ok, so I told him he better move out of the middle of the road as there were much faster cyclists coming.

There were also some cars, still being aggressive on the roads, total idiots, but then Malaysian driving is notoriously bad and the respect for cyclists almost non existent, I heard a few riders were bumped by a car and I had a close encounter which ended with me screaming bad words at the driver… just finishing this thing is gonna be an ordeal..!!

I had a lot of time to think on the bike, I was mentally ready but was I physically ready to finish this thing? I recall passing a small group of kids out in the country area who were chanting “Ironman, Ironman…”  I felt quite emotional at that point as I realised that in a few (or a lot of) hours, I was hopefully going to be an Ironman, 18 months in triathlon, 6 months or more of  (fairly) dedicated training, on the other hand I could still crash, pass out who knows what..

As I neared the last 20kms it occurred to me that beyond 170kms I had never cycled before and I was daydreaming momentarily as I looked down to reach for my water. This one moment of distraction was brought to a terrible halt as I looked up and realised I was bearing down on a huge metal grated water rank only metres ahead and I yanked the braked, the bike skidded and I frantically in those couple of second tried to uncleat, I broke so hard my water bottles were ejected from the back holders. If I had hit the water rank it would have definitely been game over and I possibly would have suffered a serious injury from the fall. Luckily I stopped short by a few inches and some Ironman marshalls were there quickly to check if I was ok. I got back on the bike and rode the remaining 20kms or so to town, constantly splashing water on my face to stay alert. Silly mistake and it could have cost me everything I had worked for.

You know that feeling you get waiting outside the headmasters office when you are in trouble… I had this foreboding about the marathon as I rode into town, I thought … 42kms.. even walking it is tough.. nevermind trying to run it, but I told myself that if I can stick to the plan, then 6 hours or so and its done, you are an Ironman and you will have made some money for charity(we’ll get to that later)…

Easy Rider

Easy Rider

Transition was a welcome sight, by butt was hurting and my neck too slightly, when I got off the bike at dismount I wasnt sure I could get my leg over the rear bottle holder height and had to stop a while to slowly attempt it. It went well and I gave the bike to the attendants and jogged, pointy hat and all to the changing tent, the change, eat and drink session, plus the vaseline and sunblock took 10 minutes again and I was off jogging, with the GPS on as instructed, to monitor my heart rate, which in the heat went up and down like a kangaroo…

I started the marathon with a German athlete I had met at the dinner, he was tired, he said he messed up on the bike and did an extra 30kms or so and I said I would stay with him, but I was now thinking about my possible time and my speed was slightly faster and I moved off in the first 2 or 3 kilometers, running and walking to keep the heart rate from soaring. It was hot and I was tired, my gear was good, it was just me, I was working to my limits, I ate the bars, I had the salts and I stopped at the water stops. I did enjoy the water stops, I poured water all over my head to cool down, took on liquids, had a bite of watermelon or a banana and plodded on, as I entered what I fondly term “the rats nest”, the stadium area with it’s plastic cones and mazelike barriers, I passed Simon Cross, who was heading into town, with his two sons, I asked him if he was on his last lap, as I know he is very strong and very fast, he answered that he was on his first and I took it as sarcasm, Steve passed on the other side ahead of me and a few other familiar faces, one, strikingly was Chris Khrang who is a very fit lady and I said “hi”, she looked broken and gave me the “time out” sign and I laughed, thinking she was referring to the heat, as I also felt like “yeah.. enough heat already.. and it’s only my first lap outward bound


I didn’t see Simon again, only his bike much later in the evening with his family who said he DNF and that got me scared as to my state of wellbeing, further down after the rats nest, was Chris by the side of the road, also DNF. This was tough to take as I had seen her training so much recently, poor girl, but you know what, she is a multiple Ironlady already so there’s always the next time.

I gave a smile and a bit of chit chat here and there, saw Stupe and Rupert, Robert Carfagno, Steve (several times) I ran with Victor Chan quite a way and with Uncle Yee too, Piu San and Agnes, Kok Kee, it was like a big family day out and all the while those Japanese ladies were ringing cowbells near the park and talking Japanese to us as we passed…

My first two loops were going well, until about 18kms in where I started to notice the familiar sting of blisters and my little world was about to change for the worse.  I had not had experience of this before in races, but of course., due to pouring water on my head, it had run down into my shoes and despite the Vaseline, it had soaked my feet, I was now 23kms from the end, the night was encroaching, the temperature falling and the very point where I could start really running was here and now I have blisters and boy.. did they start to hurt.. step by step, meter upon meter, kilometer after kilometer, they got worse and worse.. and worse.. I had to walk on the sides of my feet like some kind of giant chimpanzee, I was looking at the watch now and wondering how long it would take to finish, when I realised that at around 22 to 23kms in, I was at about 11 to 12 hours .. I was confused to say the least, my budget was 15, at this rate I might get 14 and a half even with the blisters and that reminded me of the Hash House Hazards pledges, which had added up to a total of just over 100 Malaysian Ringgit per minute below the 17 hour cut off time, this would mean just over 6000 per hour and so I started to jog, even with the feet burning and my ankles now in pain from the funny way I had been walking.

It wasn’t long before I was approaching the U turn at transition and I saw a familiar tattoo on the back of someones leg.. it was Stupe.. I thought he was on his last lap and congratulated him, but he said he wasnt and I got confused as I thought he was a lap ahead of me, he looked a bit distressed and it would be later I would find out he had an ITB problem which slowed his run down. as I got through that 3rd lap and collected my white band to signify I was starting the last lap, I looked at my watch and it was around 12 hours and some spare change, I knew in my current state it would take about 1 hour 15 to 1 hour 30 to finish, I was a little tired and blurry about the times, but I walked and limped and forced marched all the way round, trying to encourage others who were far behind to keep up the good work, some people were puking, some walking, eyes fixed like zombies, some talking to themselves.. one guy was saying “I must win, I must win..” it was a very strange and surreal last lap for me in the dark, with my glo stick necklace around my neck and my blisters crippling me, but as I looked at the stopwatch I realised if I keep up the momentum I would reach home below 14 hours and I was elated (though painfully so).. I headed through the park and out onto the road, past the gates for the bands, through the water stop area and over the bridge and along to Dataran Lang to make the final loop and run down the finishers carpet in the lights and night air of the Langkawi Ironman 2014 and I started to run, I think I didn’t feel the blisters for that few minutes as I ran down the red Ironman carpet, high fives from all the spectators at the sides and the race director, shouts “Robert, you are an Ironmaaaaaaaaaan!!!” and I was so elated I threw my arms up and jumped through the finishing line, getting my Ironman medal and towel was a small thing next to seeing my wife in the back area, waiting in tears and my dear friend Dave giving me a big hug, despite the 6 gallons of sweat that I was exuding and I realised when I looked at the watch that I had made over 18,000 for the Hash charity and I was now finally and Ironman… no one can take that away… and be sure I’ll brag for the rest of my life as the slogan says….

End of a very long journey

End of a very long journey

you know what this means if you were there

you know what this means if you were there



What a wonderful experience, not simply for the race, but for what it taught me about myself, what I can do, what I can become.. for the friends I made and the friends I know I am going to make….


Rule 10  …..   Enjoy the race

Life is short, try to smile, try to find the best you can in everything, take pride and joy in the things you do, whether small or great and take pride and joy in the things others do whether less than your achievements or greater… a little love and support goes a long way…

The Eagle has landed

The Eagle has landed




Take out the washing and do the ironing (part 1)

This is a long winded story, so get a cup of tea and some biscuits, a big bag of crisps or a pack of beers, sit back and let me take you on a journey, to the Island of Langkawi, Malaysia for the 2014 Langkawi Ironman race.

I have spent the last 18 months or so in triathlon, starting with the Xterra Malaysia 2013 sprint distance triathlon, a 750mt swim, 20km mountain bike cycle race and a 5km trail run, if you don’t know about triathlon, that’s all done back to back with a tiny break of 2 or 3 or 6 or whatever minutes just to change clothes etc to compete in the next discipline.

I have done Malakoff MUDS duathlon, Powerman Duathlon, Port Dickson sprint and olympic distance triathlons, Morib triathlon and Xterra 2014 triathlon teaser, Putrajaya Ironman 70.3 2014, that’s the extent of my triathlon and duathlon experience. There are some people, far beyond my imagination, for whom their first triathlon is a full Ironman, that is some serious undertaking which requires very, very strong and long committment. I being a little less ballsy in the balls department, wanted to build up and “see how first”, which worked out well, as I really had time to enjoy triathlon, well, the few I have done….

Lets not get too wrapped up in other events and a long history of how, what and where, lets start with the decision to attempt an Ironman and we find ourselves in August 2013 on a Saturday afternoon travelling to Lembah Beringin for the Saturday Hash, the Petaling Hash House Harriers, they do good solid long runs in the jungle up to a couple of hours and I felt that both the heat and the length and difficulty of their runs would be an asset to my training. It was a my first run with them in around 6 years, so I wasn’t sure what to expect and it took a long time to get to the run from Kuala Lumpur, ending up on narrow windey country kampong (village) roads.

My wife was in the beautiful northern island of Langkawi on a hens weekend.. so when I arrived at the run site to find a little river and an old iron bridge beneath sprawling palms, I was in love. I took a photo of the place on my old Nokia and sent it to Poova, but due to the far out location, the picture couldn’t be sent because of a lack of signal. The run was pretty good, a lot of checks and some good ups and downs through the palms and forest, I was one of the front runners and the front runner at many points, I felt pretty good and had a great fun run, it was a little overcast nearing the latter part of the run and eventually, the heavens opened and let loose a torrent of rain. It was a very wet experience, we had a brief circle and the river where the bridge was, began to flood, the river which had been some 8 feet or so below the level of the bridge, was now over the level of the bridge and some of us decided to move off, making our way back through the wining kampong roads towards the little town of Kerling, we came across a small section of flooded road, so we got out and tested it to see if we could cross, it didn’t seem so bad so we got back in the cars and continued with a problem, until a little while later, we came across a longer stretch of road, once again flooded, so the few of us that were together, around 3 or 4 cars, stopped and we got out and checked the depth, which was just about half way up our calves, so again, it didn’t seem much so we continued on, I was the last driver and following the other cars closely. The water seemed to be rising, it was certainly deeper than when we tested it only a few minutes before and it seemed very little time before it was at the height of my headlamps and then a small wave from the cars infront ran over the front of my bonnet, my car stalled and in a horrible moment, I started to feel water in the bottom of the car, I tried to sound the horn for help, but then felt the car starting to float and realised I was in serious trouble, the car drifted towards a tree and I managed to push against it with my arm out of the drivers window, which luckily I had left open to get some fresh night air after all the heat of the afternoons running. I quickly realised if the car began to float on very high water, I might not be able to get out without tilting or even capsizing it and by this time, water was up to the window and windsreen level and I had to make the decision to get out and swim…..

The car was a write off, it couldn’t be towed until the next day after the water had subsided, the tow truck operator took pictures of the car, it was only a few feet from the river, the area was a football field and it had flash flooded. It was probably one of the most stressful episodes in my whole life and even worse, it was a company car…….

Was this an omen? Was this something telling me I was not destined to, or that I should abstain from, Ironman?

When registration opened for Ironman Malaysia, there was an offer for a discounted package for Ironman 70.3 and Ironman which meant a discount and which also meant I had to commit, no messing around, no more talking, it would be time for serious action and training.

Being of fairly unsound body and even more unsound mind, I booked both and despite the stress of the accident with the car and some downtime in activities because of that, I began to get into gear training, in between would be several other races, to help me on my way and get my body used to the heat and the individual disciplines, not that I hadn’t done triathlon before, just that this is an Ironman race, even the 70.3 is a big job.. 1.9kms swim, 90kms cycle and 21kms run is not to be taken lightly, even for that distance, the heat of Putrajaya would not be a sympathetic task master, Malaysias daytime temperature can reach 36, 38, sometimes close to 40degrees and with humidity that saps the life from you, one minute at a time….

The biggest weekend would be the Xterra Malaysia weekend in May 2014, which I would be doing both the triathlon on the Saturday and the 22kms trail run on the Sunday, so I booked the Xterra Teaser to get an insight into what I would be facing.

I live in a condo with a pool, so swim training is not an issue, I am a Hasher, so when I’m not destroying company cars in floods, I can run in the jungle several times per week, just the mountain biking part is a bit of a blank spot, I’m not very good at it, I don’t know if I really even enjoy it and I know it’s very different to riding on the road for Ironman, so trying to get practice would be tough, but not impossible, so I tried to fit everything together as best as I could. Admittedly, I only got on the MTB a couple of times, so when it came to the teaser, I was still a bit … well… rusty.. but anyway, anything too technical and I would walk.. easy enough…

I got the bike serviced and checked my gear, organised everything as best as I could and eventually, I was back at the lake at Putrajaya, nice and early, as I had done the previous year for my first sprint triathlon. I bumped into some familiar faces, Jason and Paul, two Aussie triathletes, Dave my mate who is the race director in Malaysia and who had been helping to mentor me and a few other guys I had seen at the sprint last year and at Port Dickson triathlon in 2013.

It wasn’t a particularly striking morning and there were the usual group of people all showing off about their times and how they expected to do many of them claining “I haven’t trained at all….” I think that is a very over used line in triathlon, because they do train.. they just don’t want you to know it some of those guys. I was nervous but it wasn’t fear, just nerves, the teaser was supposed to be a 750mt swim, 30km cycle and 5km run, so I was ready for it mentally and that is half the battle, then as long as I don’t go blowing off all your energy racing like a mad fool, I will be able to finish fine and strong.

When the horn sounded, I was already in the water, I had slipped on a concrete block that was submerged and cut my shin, which hurt, but wasn’t particularly of bother to me, we started swimming and I calmly started to make my way past swimmers who had set off at the front and who were now slowing down, it seemed to take a long time to get around and there was the usual jostling and getting kicked by those people that breast stroke all the way round, but it was ok, it did feel a little tiring, but no big deal.

Coming out of the water was a chore, I was trying to avoid that stupid block of concrete, so I was very tentative in my movements, but eventually found my feet on the red carpet to exit the water. I barely remember transition, I just remember getting a few gulps of drink and heading on my way. We left the water area exiting to the right up a concrete stairway, me carrying my Scott Genius MC30 MTB, and when we reached the road at the top, we were allowed to mount the bike and get going.. we crossed into an open area and I was flying (well, so it felt) and around a bend and onto the trails, at which point, almost as soon as I started climbing, my deraileur started acting up and I was suffering cluncking and ckicking and slipping out of gear… I was pretty angry because I had the bike serviced recently and it was not helping my concentration, however, if I couldn’t cycle any parts, I had asserted to walk, so that’s what I did, and as fast as I could. The trails were pretty well set, a mix f ups downs, twists and turns, open trails and tight, winding trails, I had a lot of walking episodes, but hey, MTB isn’t my thing, but I do love sweating and a bit of speed. The small villages we passed were great and the use of concrete roads made some parts very very fast. Eventually, we came to a large hill I had heard there would be a decent climb, so, despite the stupid deraileur playing up on me, I made a point to keep on going, it went very well, I hacked into a few cyclists ahead of me and gained a few positions, some guys shortcutted on the hill, as there was a point where the up trail and down were very close together, there are always cheats, so I just carried on sweating and climbing, without sparing too much thought for the clowns.

I was relieved at the top, but a little bit concerned when I saw the downhill, as my technical expertise is really not great on the MTB, so I got off here and there and only did the easy downhill sections.we came to a winding section that was slightly greener and I was passed on a bend by Paul, the Aussie chap I had seen in the morning, he and one or two others were flying, so I let loose a little on the next downhill section, but this turned out to be a grave error and within moments I lost my line on the downhill and crashed headlong, falling sideways, my body rolling like a rag doll. I groaned in pain and as I tried to stand up, I realised I had messed up my leg, there were deep gashes on the knee, pouring blood out, my hands were bleeding and my side badly scratched, my upper left chest, near my armpit also hurt like hell.

I tried to get myself up and going, but realised the handlebars were bent on the bike and so I limped down the steep incline till I came to a road, following the signs, I carried on, bent handlebars and all, till I came to the water station and took water to rinse my knee, which looked terrible, though my ribs were concerning me too. The volounteers at the water station asked me if I wanted to go back, but seemed to know very little about how far in or how far away from the transition we were. At that point, I made the conscious decision to just drink loads of water and my electrolytes and get back to the transition and from there I would go home after a good clean up, so onward I went and much to my good fortune, it was a lot easier going, but I was in a physically bad state, I wasn’t sure if I was bleeding a lot, but my chest hurt and everything that had been scraped was sore as hell. Eventually, through the heat and the pain, I reached transition.

I racked the bike, sat down, started feeling sorry for myself and several people had been staring at the blood and mess, one triathlete, a large Malay chap, came over and looked down at me, he shook his head and told me, “There’s no way you are gonna finish like that, better to take it easy and go home” I got my plasters out (which I usually carry) and headed to the Water Sports building to clean myself up in the toilets before heading home, it was a slow and painful walk… when I got to the toilets and began to get some water flowing over me, it was a mess of blood and clots and grit, sweat and mud all over the place as I started to gently (like a big wuss) clean out the cuts.

I used a heck of a lot of tissue and a lot of water, managing eventually to get myself fairly well cleaned up and I stuck on a few plasters to hold the gashes on the knee together. Then , slowly and dejectedly I made my way back to the transition, there were still a few  bikes that hadn’t come back by then, Jason wasn’t back when I arrived at transition, but his bike was gone when I returned from the cleanup operation. I sat down and packed up my gear, I grabbed the bike to leave and at that moment, I thought that if I was going to be an Ironman, quitting wasn’t going to be part of the plan, so possibly bravely or possibly stupidly, I put the bike back on the rack and I put my rucksack down and put back my bib and waterbelt and started to jog out of transition, possibly one of the last to do so, but at that point I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t going to quit, that I could handle the pain and that I was going to be an Ironman even if it meant going beyong myself on the day.

As soon as I started to jog, the ribs hurt, the first step caused intense pain, the next two or three steps, brought me to a walk, but it was a little more comfortable or less painful, is probably a more apt description. So that was what I had, a walk, the knee stung but was manageable, the ribs were making me feel dizzy, but the sight of the first tail enders was inspiring, I was walking but could catch them and was soon bearing down on their position. It took a while but I caught them and continued onwards through the trails, eventually, catching up with and passing the chap who had been shaking his head at me some half an hour earlier. I was a mess but that made me feel good, that even with a 20 minute or more head start, a bust knee and possibly a cracked rib or two, I could still catch the back markers….

It was hardly a record breaking time, but I finished and I was glad I did despite the weeks of pain afterwards from the ribs, the fever I had for a few days from the dirt I got In my knee and the mess that my bike ended up in. I told be if nothing else, I have the mentality to finish an Ironman…. so.. lets start working on the body… well…. after my ribs heal…

Dont worry, the Langkawi Ironman is coming in the next part… I promise… remember the rule about patience?

Rule 9……..

Never…. ever…… ever….. give up,

A committment to yourself is the least of your worries in life and it’s easy to give up on yourself, after all, who are you letting down? Only you right? However, if you can’t rely on yourself, how is anyone else ever going to? Besides, there is no better feeling than going beyond yourself, acheiving something others might not be able to, especially in the most adverse of conditions.

I’m an individual like everyone else

Not in the best of spirits as I am two weeks exactly from Ironman Langkawi 2014 and I have just started with a cold, it means a little break in the timetable, where I should be doing something active, I am going to be resting, though that is not a bad thing. Maybe I will get some time to help my wife with the second album material and actually take a serious rest and allow my body to recharge.

Yesterday was very bad, I had a headache from hell and my wife too, sore throat, ah, you know, the usual stuff, but yesterday wa one of the worst I ever had had it, anyway, vitamin C and some pills for fever and I am feeling a bit (a very little bit) better. I am not a big fan of pills and medicine, I believe that the body can take care of itself in many situations, I’m not referring to cancers and serious life threatening stuff, just those things we think we can’t handle and the convenience of a pill, potion or powder facilitates our recovery.

I’m not trying to be a smart ass when I say I prefer not to take stuff, I take vitamins (Centrum), fish oils  and a mix called Tri Flex from GNC for my joints, I have to say, my joints are better, though I never had problems all over, just with one knee in particular, then I heard about rollering and decided that instead of thinking I am old and my cartilage is done, I would look at some of the muscular mechanics of my legs and see if there is something “off”.

After competing in the Putrajaya Powerman Duathlon 2013, which involves a 10km run, 64km bike and a further 10km run again, I was supposed to collect my wife from the airport at about 2.30pm, as the race (for me) would be done by around 11.30am, I had time to clean up and drive from Putrajaya to the LCCT at Sepang and still have time for a bite to eat before her royal wifeness arrived.

The race was ok, I wasn’t in super prime fitness then and I wasn’t taking myself quite so seriously and had a few beers the night before, I hadn’t trained properly and I wasn’t so concerned about the hows and whats of the day. I met up with Leon and Gina at the start and my friend and mentor Dave, said hi and bye to a few people like Tri Stupe and got myself to the start line. I knew it would be hot and I knew I would have to keep to my pace to avoid burning out. It sounds a reasonable race now after all the Ironman training, yeah, ok, 10km64kms and 10 again, meh… no biggy right?

Dave had told me 4 hours 30 in my state was an ok time, below 4 was incredible for any normal person, but below 5 hours was a must because there’s no ranking after 5.30…

I can’t say I really recall much of the first 10kms run, it was warm, not very shaded and I needed a pee on the first lap, silly boy…  with a tri suit on, it means I have to strip off half naked to pee, so I held on for a while, there were two 5km laps before embarkation upon the bike. I was hot when I got to the bike and did the usual drinking of my basket bottle, I had a Camelbak and lots of liquids, I took my time in transition and had a banana, nothing special, I was hot, sweaty but looking forward to the ride, I had never cycled around the roads at Putrajaya so it was going to be fun I though.

I try to keep a positive attitude, never see how far you are from the finish, think how close you are, tell yourself “ok, there’s ONLY xxxkms to go” truly it helps, once you strat fighting those demons, trying to stop you, it will be a battle with both your body AND your mind…. and the mind is the one that makes you give up…

Anyhow, it was ok, I was flying (by my standards) on the bike and catching people here and there, I came across Patsy Yap, one of my Hash and Ironman heroes.. or rather heroines, she was chugging away on the sprint, we exchanged out of breath greetings and I went on through the heat. It was getting hot, I have to say, it was a scorcher of a day and I was getting through the liquids pretty fast, I wasn’t pacing, I was just pounding out what I could, probably a big mistake, as I have learned in swimming, sometimes, slower is faster, especially over long distances, but I wasn’t quite so “expert” as I am now (ahem). Towards the end of the second lap, I was caught by a small group with aero bikes and felt good that I had managed to keep ahead of them all this time and we made the final ascent past the Putrajaya International Convention Centre and on towards the main stretch and second transition. I came into the dismount and got off the bike ready to run, but my left quad cramped.. what the hell? I never get cramps, like never…. I grabbed the bike to steady myself but ended up crouched on the road, the attendant called for the medic and I shouted at him “Don’t btring the medic here.. don’t waste his time!!” Actually it was more pride than actual concern, I didn’t want to get booted off either, so I calmed down and the leg relaxed and I trudged into transition.

I racked my bike and Dave was telling me to get a move on, but I sat down and filled the Camelbak again, ate a couple of bananas, gulped some more liquid, at which point another disheveled athlete came in and said he was done, he can’t take the heat and his wife would fininsh the race or something. It made me feel a little worried about my state of hydration and the leg, but eventually, I got up and started to jog, very very slowly, out of the transition, passing all the faces that are looking at me, cheering me and the others on, so I didn’t want to walk at that point, too much pride I guess, I am a strong Hash runner, I’m used to the heat and tough conditions..right?

As I got off the main stretch, I walked, almost immediately, whilst trying to find intermittent pieces of shade, from anything. I remember thinking, “Ok Rob, Come on…. just 10kms to go, you are a tough old boot, get on with it”.

Whe you catch and pass people it feels great, when you get passed, it can be quite demoralising, but, there are those who race wiser and have a full tank left for the end, then there are clowns like me, who don’t sleep enough, have a good few beers and not enough breakfast and who didn’t really train for it, so therefoe, at this juncture, I am paying the price for not being serious.

I couldn’t run, I just had no energy and was suffering with the heat, I stopped at every water stop and poured cold water on myself, I was in a poor state, but could still bash on. I walked, loosely, clumsily and got back towards the main stretch and the bypass for the transition, at which point (again for pride more than enything) I jogged slowly past the crowd, I must have looked bad, because I felt pretty crap.

As I left the mainstretch and made the  turn off , I found myself next to a tall lean young Malay man, he was jogging but at my sort of walking pace and as is my usual talkative style, I said to him”This weather is crazy, it’s so hot today” at which point he turned to me and said proudly “This is Powerman Malaysia bro” and gave a bit of a clench fist power sign.. I replied “Yeah.. lucky only 5kms to go”.. he looked sideways at me “You are on your last lap?” he asked,  “Yes” I said “I’m on my first” he replied back sounding a little less enthusiastic now, “Good luck” I said and gentle turned up the speed and moved off.

That moment of realising, there are a lot of people both infront and behind, all suffering, made me feel a little less alone and I tried to pick up the pace, but truly the heat had won, I was in pain, hot, saturated in sweat but… I was getting there.. slowly.

As I made the last awkward climb, stopping for water, I figured I would try a jog and I managed to take the last 1.5kms at a slow jog, but I was in a bad state and just wanted to go home, I grabbed an ice cream at the finish, had a shower and changed in one of the portable shower units and headed to the car to go to the airport.

Result?  4.37.. just off, but then I had a very long time in transition… almost 5 minutes for the first and almost 8 for the second, my first 10km run was 1 hour, my second was 1.17, the bike was 2 hours 7 minutes..

It’s not a long journey and I was there pretty quickly, I was hungry, hot and dehydrated, I was aching like hell and I decided that KFC would be great, however, I couldn’t sit for long as my legs would get stiff, so at the LCCT I went to get KFC, which by the way, was also being visited by numerous flies, which put me off but I was so hungry I ignored them and get a few pieces of chicken and a drink, sat down and ate, feeling happy to have polluted myself with fast food and fizzy drinks. I looked at my watch, 2.15.. ish, great not long to go, I got up, very pianfully and made my way to the arrivals hall to check the information board, but strangely I couldn’t see my wifes flight from Krabi, I was tired and confused, so I thought I was being stupid, was it the right airport? It was an Air Asia flight so I was at the right place, so where’s the plane? I though she had said 2.15pm, maybe its 2.50pm, I heard wrong perhaps, but surely it would be on the board.

After checking about 20 times and gathering my composure, I went to the information counter and asked about the flights from Krabi. Guess what?

The flight departs from Krabi at 2.50pm or something like that and takes almost 2 hours… great, now I cant go home as it’s to far and I would have to return as soon as I reach home, so, I have to stay… and…. to avoid the lactic acid taking over my legs and turning them to stone, I have to keep moving, however gently, so, that’s precicely what I did, I kept meandering around the airport, I had a few strange looks from people who had seen me “loitering” in the area for what must have seemed like forever.

Then, out of the blue, the same leg that had the cramp earlier, started doing some ridiculous twitching that threatened to turn into a full on Elvis Presley dance routine, right there at international arrivals and I was forced to sit down. My wife actually arrived around 6pm as her flight was delayed or slow or who knows what even to this day..!!

After that race I suffered on and off with hamstring problems and a knee problem, that’s how I found out about rollering and loosening the hamstrings, the benefits of stretching before and after and the mechanics of my legs. The tightness in my hamstrings (and when I say tight.. I can fire arrows with them) aws causing tension on my knee, my calf was also being pulled and the whole thing was awkward and painful.

I didn’t want to wait 3 weeks for an online order of a pro roller or whatever, so, I bought some plastic pipe 1 and 3/4 inches  diameter and used that to sit on during my time in my office,  I place it on the chair, perpendicular to my legs and close to the top of my legs, near my butt, as soon as I straighten my back, I can feel the pipe pressing hard against the hamstrings and though a little painful at first, it brings great relief, moving the roller position along the chair, I can slowly relax the backs of my upper legs, using two or three pipes at the same time also works well. I’m not rolling the pipes, just leaving them in one place and trying to get my back straight whilst extending my legs. It works for me, no more knee issues… so far…

I have learned that if I am going to race for 30 minutes 0r 3 hours or 13 hours, I need to look after my body and my nutrition, though we all like to think we are all individuals, some things about us are very similar indeed, I am not a tank or a superhero, I am a person, just like everyone else and it pays to remember that.

Rule 8……..

Self respect

No harm in letting go every once in a while.. but when it comes to serious stuff, try and be serious, treat yourself with respect, because you WILL pay a price, that might be overheating in the sun or perhaps not realising your full potential, perhaps others won’t take you seriously, rightly so, if you don’t take yourself  seriously at the important times, how can anyone else?


There isn’t a shortcut to the end

Lols, lmao, brb, ttfn…..

Sorry, but if you are sold on the idea of getting a fast fix from reading something strange and unusual, this isn’t it, I am most certainly not a LOL kinda guy, I am not sure if that makes me ineloquent, or long winded, perhaps I like to take my time when I say something, so if you are going to come back and read my scrawling ramblings of misguided and confused thoughts, cleverly disguised under the title “Theres no rule book of life”, with it’s bad spelling and lumpy grammar, you will need a modicum of patience to say the least.

I am 2 weeks from Ironman Langkawi 2014, my virgin Ironman, some mornings I wake up and want to swim, some I just want that extra hour in bed, even if I had 8 or 9 already, some evenings I want to cycle and run, some I just want a cold beer and a steak. I just listen to what old Robs body has to say and take it from there. It’s been doing alright so far for 42 years, in fact I think it is a lot better trained and physically “smarter” now, compared to when I was in my 20s and the engine was a lot less “used”. Of course in my younger days, I could party till the early hours of the next day, but, that would incur a sleep of 12 to 14 or even 16 hours, we look back at our youth and say “Oh, those days I could go out and party, sleep 4 hours and do it again the next day”, but we seem to forget that “catch up” day, when our body just said …..”hey.. enough” and you shut down for some crazily long sleep.

I don’t party like that now, I don’t care for it, I get my buzz from sport, adventure, hey, I even like cooking too. I have been around a while and rather than slowing down, I am just refining what I like, understanding better, what I can eat or drink, what makes my day great and what screws it up.

I don’t watch sport unless it’s a major event like the Olympics or maybe the Word Cup final, the Commonwealth Games etc. I actually really detest watching football, it’s quite probably (for me) one of the most boring things to do, except for watching snooker or even worse… chess… I like to play, but watching is abysmal. I don’t play snooker or football.

I am not in essense a triathlete, I like trail running, I like horse riding, caving, fell walking, triathlon and duathlon, leisure cycling and sea swimming, I rarely play badminton, my wife likes Uno.. with a passion…

Well, I am digressing here, there is a point, it’s just one that had a few pints of beer and is staggering along the road trying to get back home…..

I’m not here to tell you how to be a triathlete, nor am I here to tell you how to run your life. I am one seven billionth of the population of the planet, a dot.. a microdot… albeit a 6 foot 3 inches tall, 85kgs dot, but I am just one of you.. one of us all. I just wanted to share what I had learned along the way, in the typical, sarcastic, synical, long winded and hopefully amusing way I think.

If you agree, good for you, if you don’t… well… good for you too, the name says it all “There’s no rule book of life (apparently)”.

So, 2 weeks to Ironman and I am doing ok, I have done a 4.2km swim recently, a 170km cycle and I ran 37.5kms in training, in the heat of the Malaysian mid afternoon, less than a week ago. I have regularly used my Elite Qubo Hydromag turbo trainer in my office to get my bike legs built up and get some hours in and I have run at least a half marathon every week around my factory, to build up the distance and endurance necessary, to get me into a finishing condition. Yes, that’s right, if you think I will be racing 3.8kms swim, 180kms cycle and 42 point blah blah blah running, you are mistaken. 18 months back I stood on the edge of the lake at Putrajaya Malaysia, ready to start the Xterra Malaysia 2013 sprint triathlon and I have gradually, hesitantly, built up my endurance to the level of finishing an Ironman … hopefully… well, it’s my full intention to finish it, I am not going there to “try”… I am going there to finish it and not have wasted 18 months of long, hot arduous training.

I hate training, or I hate specifically training. If I have to run, just for the sake of training, I get a mental block, however, if I had to train, but went trail running because I like trail running, that’s a different matter altogether.

I am a Hasher, it’s got nothing to do with smoking pot, go look up the Hash House Harriers and you’ll see it’s “a drinking club with a running problem..”.

It started in Malaysia in the 1930s and has spread worldwide, we are extremely lucky here in Malaysia as Hashers in that we have some amazing forest and jungle to run in. In fact if you like mountainbiking, there are some beautiful and very technical trails to ride that are equally popular with trail runners, in Kuala Lumpur, places like Taman Tun Dr Ismail (TTDI) or Kota Damansara and Seti Alam Eco Park are great places to run or get on the MTB.

So, I don’t see Hashing as training, though it is if you are doing it consistently and have a rest and repair program to aid your improvement. The beer at the end of the run, is wonderful, but not necessarily the perfect way to replenish your bodies nutritional requirements, however, it’s tonnes of fun and there are Hash groups running in extremely varied locations every night all over the place, so you are rarely short of a group to join, or if like me, you are used to an area of forest, you can just go on your own, though, with safety in mind, I would recommend two or three minimum as a trail group. Why? There are snakes, wild boar, big thorns, holes, huge tree roots, falling trees and illegal rubber tappers that live in some of the forests, getting robbed is one option, the others involving snakes and wild boar or falling trees are even worse to imagine and deal with, especially alone. Getting lost is also a problem, we Hashers, though reputed to be strong beer drinkers are also well seasoned and experienced at travelling in forest and jungle, but we recommend using GPS, marker tapes and always having a minimum of two people for safety.

Anyway, again digressing slightly, so I better stick to the program. Training…. There’s no shortcut, you have to put in hours, do the distances, pump the weights, drink the water, get the sleep, have the supplements, from vitamins and fish oils, to things like chondriotin and glucosamine for us old folk (depends on your needs actually, not your age), electrolytes and proteins,though on the other hand, you can try and do all that with natural foods, which will be cleaner but will take some volume to get what you need.

So everything, from diet to sleep, to the physical effort you put in, everything is training and there is no shortcutting it. That said, you might want to consider my philosophy of training without training.

Sounds a bit mystical or even cryptic right? Nah, it means find things you like to do. Don’t spend 3 hours a week on a turbo trainer if you hate it, it will eventually get you down and you will not want to cycle, don’t purposefully go to the track to spend 2 hours running in circles unless, you actually like the place and enjoy the exercise.

I went swimming in the sea a few times, especially with my wife as she was learning, there are several reasons;

1, the triathlon/Ironman swims will be in the sea,

2, you can swim long distances (usually) without all that turning around

3, the sea means a trip to the coast.. I like the seaside…

4, there is a deep and shallow end, but once you are out there it’s a long way to the shallow end, so there is no excuse for not swimming or mastering the art of floating in dangerous situations or times of exhaustion.

We have a pool where we live, so there’s no problem to swim everyday, it’s fun if you let it be… If you attack it with the “I must train.. this is training” mentality, it might not work as well as saying, “ok, lets try a nice slow 1.5kms, no rush, no push, just enjoy the water” then when you have done your own required distance, try some short sprints and even if you only do a couple, well, hey, it will get better with time if you want it to.

For my cycling there are few places that are actually safe in Malaysia, because the standard of driving and awareness for cyclists is extremely poor, people dont care and are often rushing or using mobile phones, so we are limited, to the places we can cycle. I go to the rural areas on the outskirts of the city, they have great climbs, lots of swaying palm trees, monkeys and gibbons, small shops if you need refreshments and relatively quiet roads with other cyclists. I love the areas but they are a little bit limited in their number, so you can end up doing the “same ole, same ole” time and time again, but given the beauty of the areas, such as Genting Sempah and Hulu Langat, it’s hard not to keep going back. The Broga loop is close to 160kms and is a lovely rural road cycle with intermittent villages and a couple of small towns, as well as a few decent ascents. The main thing is that’s they are pretty, if you like nature….

Running?  Well, I am a  Hasher, so I am spoilt for trail choices, but I do run around my factory, when the physical buzz takes me in the evenings, so I can practice my cycle to run “brick” at the factory when I am working late, as I currently am. This involves a lot of patience, as a 10km run will mean 31 loops of the factory, there are a few trees but it’s not like there’s much to see, so I shut off and think happy thoughts and get on with it… That is what I call training…

I don’t go to the gym, I don’t care for it, I have a small 11kg weight in my office which I stare at sometimes and on occasion, I pick it up.. In the apartment, I have a large set of free weights, which I rarely use. My intention, after Ironman is to start weight training, to improve my muscle mass and strength and to have a better looking physique, but right now, there simply isnt enough time.

It’s interesting to note, that I know a voluminous amount of people who own sports equipment from cycle trainers to those ab curler things, to weights and running machines, who buy them with the belief that that machine will make them fit or help them lose weight.. do you know how many of those items become a place to store the laundry when it’s dried, or that end up gathering dust or wind up at a car boot sale with a sign that says “Nearly new” or “Hardly used”?

I think everyone that’s out there is either a victim of this or knows someone who has done this right? Just get out, go for a walk and after several walks turn that walk into a march and that march into a jog and that jog into a run, look at the sky, see the clouds, see the trees, smell the fresh air, maybe join a club or group, otherwise, it’s going to be a long hard and very slow struggle.

Sorry to anyone who makes those kind of fitness equipment, it’s not about the equipment, I think much of the stuff out there is great, it’s about the user, how much they can do and what they can achieve alone with the TV on stuck in the house, pedalling away with no goal other than dropping some weight, probably looking in the mirror daily and weighing themselves daily, wondering whats taking so long, then eventually losing faith or interest and then….  all hail the great dust gathering investment…

I set a few goals and told a few people that I was going to do some things, this served two purposes, one, I have a goal to train for, hopefully, along the way I get fitter, lose weight, get healthier (as fitness and health aint the same!!) and the second purpose, I incriminate myself, letting everyone know I have a goal, so now, not only can I not let myself down, but how can I not do this when I told everyone I was doing it….

I didn’t set off planning to do an Ironman, I just fancied triathlon and then met some Ironman finishers, was very inspired and felt I needed to see what level they were at….

In two weeks I will see.

Rule 8……..

Set goals and find ways to enjoy achieving them (and if you don’t achieve them, good.. you can enjoy the journey some more)

You don’t book a cruise for the end destination, you book it for the journey, otherwise you’d fly…..  when you book a cruise, you specifically don’t want to shortcut and end up back home as quickly as possible, you want to take your time and enjoy reaching your destinations before you head for home, in the same respect, make your goals as much about the journey as they are about the goal itself, after all, who wants to be told “that’s it, you did it, there’s nothing more to acheive”? Not me… I’m enjoying the journey….